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Farkity FARking FARK !!! I accidently scratched my head and back when bathin .. I M NEVER gonna KEEP long nails anymore =(

Looks like Phase 1 failed miserably. 2/3 rd of it is gone. Perhaps i should implement a controlling Marks Ceiling , then i wont laze around anymore because its either fail or full.

I dont know why , but i m vv dissapointed with myself. It made me go into solitude , far deeper then before. My judgement became bad , and my will weakening. Its even harder for me to speak and express myself now. My head feels like exploding.

I wanna shout & scream , but i cant even do that . I feel weak. Perhaps , u guys might just think that I choose to feel weak.

Today mum went to Brunei. Before , she would always grumble on my carefreeness , and that i m always a lazy and irresponsible boy. She would be there for 2 weeks ,taking care of dad. I miss her home cooked food even though its 1 day.

Its 8.44 pm rite now. I m still lazing around. As i write this , i wanna gather some courage and go to bath and then open the stats book . The norm me would just throw the book aside and start playing Rohan Online.

I gotta tell myself to not be undecisive as nuna. If not, i cant move on in my studies. I need to go bath rite now. I ll make a promise to myself. The next entry to this blog will be when i finished studying my stats. I swear , with my life.

Just a moment.

life is complicated. it is not hard to live , but trying to understand and question life is where u ll end up in depression.

Thus , i am once again , lost.

In fact, i m even more depressed not knowing the cause of my depression.

I always believed that things happen for a reason. But last week , i tried to accept things without any reasons.

It certainly didnt work well.

So today , I would like to share with you my way of handling depression. Steps are below. Dont trip.

1. Find a toilet which you are comfortable with, and get yo ass in there and take a hot shower.

2. Next, go get a place where you can sit . If theres none , use the toilet bowl.

3. In a sitting position (not squat duh) , submerge yourself in your own darkness. Guilt , regret , hate , loneliness, anything. 1 minute.

4. Run the tap water. Pour the streams continuously on your head. Do it heads down. U will feel a soothing sensation while the water is cooling your head off. 2 minutes.

5. Continue to recall the depression, worries and maintain the posture for another 2 minutes.

6. You should have enough of that depression by now. Use the remaining time to reflect on the past events, and gather every bits of courage and willpower you got to execute what you need to do . 1 minute.

7. Get outta freaking toilet & dont look back . Just remember =\ the depression you get today is for tommorow's happiness. So , dont let the depression go to waste.
Life isnt about making the best choices. Its about making the best out of every choice.

Phase 1

The following week is everything .

LEts Rock.

I m so nervous ~_~ !

ps: Since today is Wesak , my as well blast some spiritual music =\. Its Neyuki from Uttara. Enjoy =p .
To those who lost their lives in the recent earthquakes, I pray that you will find your way to heaven & rest in eternal peace. I m sorry.

New Ideas.

Now i know why :

1. I feel awkward when it comes to sharing food with my friends. Ever since i entered HMC , i have been pondering on this for 2 sems already. It makes me perplexed because all my friends can share their food so easily but i just cantttt DarN !!

But now i know the answer.. thats because I m the only son .. in my family. I usually dont share food with my dad or mum .. LAWL cuz they EAT SPICYYY !! AAHHHHHHHH

Its really weird for me because i dont mind giving my part but i m reluctant to eat my friend's share of food when offered. Its like what Ms Winnie said , " the stigmas implanted in my head by my environmental factors " is affecting my behaviour and way of thking. High chances that this is what causing the weirdness i m feeling. well .. who knows , i mite be wrong =\
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2. I feel real uncomfortable at times especially if i m in a place with lots of peoples . I could feel a sea of voices flowing inside my head through my ears , trying to drown me. Also the heat from carbon dioxides make me perspire and I HATE PERSPIRING. Theres onli 2 reasons why i hate sweating.

a) The sweat trickles down my forehead , thus causing my loose specs to slide at an alarming rate. THis MEANS i gotta push my freaking specs up almost every minutes.. instead of the average 4-5. I HATEEEE ITTT !!!

b) When i sweat , my face became oily and sticky. And i dont like oily and sticky because oily means my specs will again , sliDE and sticky means theres gonna be dirts glued on to my face ARGHHH !!!!!!!
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3. I like quiet places. Perhaps because my room is quiet , so i m used to sleeping in a quiet place. Also i lock myself in my own room in my own house most of the time so .... . . . U get the idea.. ?
HEY>> I M NOT SADISTIC OK >> I M JUST A bored TENNAGER ..
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4. I m beginning to dislike Malaysian Studies Class. Freaking Hell. Here are the reasons :

a) everytime when we enter her class she mentions her problems of handling 3 classes of 240 students. we know , we know . just tell us once enough la.. mcb

b) she seems to be so high of herself and she expects us (her students) to be like her - think intelligently & bla bla bla

c) heck , i know that ur a cool teacher , but ur teaching style is beginning to bore me to death.

d) u said to be creative , and innovative and to come up with brilliant ideas . U expect us to come up with brilliant ideas when what u did was giving us 1 % of what u taught ? so absurD .
Obviously, the answers we give will only answer 1 % of your questions.

e) Plus , u keep complaining about the slides that were created by the LAN departments. U said they werent your slides. Why not come up with ur own slides then ? why complain.. ? other students laugh because they think its funny... but to me ur like a Lame Clown.

f) what makes u think that u can change the way we see things ? what makes u even think or assume that we have a form 5 mentality ? man... this is not a leadership camp.. we cant do flying fox inside the conference room ..

g) psycho b1tch !

h) psycho b1tch !

Typical Weekend.

I m so burnt out. havin called out for continuous dota sessions. its hard for me to decline any of them , simply because i had retired from my gunbound world, and had no other games to play.

some games were miserable , some games were so damn hillarious. lol !

the hillarious ones :

a) while we were outside the enemy base , we set up a bait for the enemy to makan. ( fishing)
And then we waited patiently (hiding somewhere in the nearby fog) . And then we saw 4 red dots ( enemy) jumping on our friend ( bait). the next thing we did was shouted SUPRISE !!! and we counter raped them . then what happens next was , we could hear screams coming from the other end of the cc lol !!! the screams were similar to those roller coaster rides !

b) quotes from an opponent who is being repeatedly gangbanged mercilessly and mauled to death . " I like it rough , but this is just too much for me t.t " & " dont aim me la bro. . my b'day is today " LAWL !!!! so damn hillarious la... beh tahan...

anywayz, sometimes we do played against uber pros , as expected , our team would naturally lose , because of difference in skills . but wont kena pawn till so teruk la.. haha

Comment:
1.3 years had passed . In this period , most of the friday nights had been spent playing dota with my kakis . Although our team isnt up to a pro's standard , but we played long enough to understand each other's style and we had been through countless games . From the funniest moments, in-games frusfrations, adrenaline rushes , and to attaining wins, we shared them all , together. Its hard to find a replacement , especially when 1 of us is absent. Less fun lawls. Like somethin is missing.

Anywayx, this is what i think of a great team iz all about :
1. theres gotta be consistency
2. theres gotta be trust between members

havin these traits , a team can be real strong , & u ll never know its limits until u'd try.

ps : u guys really helped made my day =]
the moments : i will cherish them =p

tired .. gtg sleep .nites

sometimes.

sometimes life's unfair. especially when theres a decision to make . even worst when it involves friends . How do i weigh my own responsibilities & self interest ? i m not taught to do this in school. its given me hell alot of headache .. and i cant fcking sleep .. made me typed this shit at 6.20 am .

i gotta reflect on myself and decide .Go or dont go ? 2 choices only but it made me undecisive , so stucked , so frusfrated . i was afraid of the consequences that i might face , the problems that might arise if i made that choice. thts whats holding me back. feelings of guilt & fear of regret regardless of faults.

but , i m not the old ron anymore. i cant do things which exceeds my limit of doing things and then forsake my own self for that matter. i want to do the things , that are important to me, now , and problems which arise , i ll face them later. tht will do .

if theres any dissapointments, i m sry. -Ln- nites and all the best for ur exam ~

ah..

tday , ate spaghetti bolognise in S. Recipe - it made me think of ceo's carbonara =[
haih ,, the spaghetti cacat 1.. cannot even compare to ceo's cookin. lawl.