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Today is Wednesday ,August 12 .

My life has gone into a mess. Lost & stranded on a stray path, I m now facing a bleak future.

I was procastinating all my actions along, and now time is not on my side anymore.

I have already suffered, and will most probably continue to suffer for a long period of time.

If I changed my degree course, I will falsely assure myself that I have 3 years to go, and then go on my old habits.
Then while I m in college I will be frequently thinking of " how soon can i graduate " kinda thing.

If I started working , I mite be able to change myself and reduce my family burdens. Then while I am at it I will be ridiculed by the " If I was still in college.. ".

My life is already turning into a game of chess. I am now compromising into a stalemate where my current nor future self is fully satisfied , but its not that miserable till i 'd contemplate suicide.

Well the other player in this game isnt a stranger. As much as I change, I m suprisingly stable over long periods of time. So me.

If I win now , I ll lose later. If I lose now, its not 100 % I ll win later. If I fall in the middle, I 'd go nowhere. Never really winning, never really losing.

Its time for me to become a stronger player in this game. Although I dont know what my future will bring & that all my decisions are made with imperfect knowledge , my current life of continual compromise & boredom is a life a slow torture. I dont want this kind of life anymore.

Instead of fighting with myself , can I just ally with myself for today , and think of something that will make both of us happy ?

something that will make me and you happy for today , and for us , 10 years later.

Think it over , Ron.