i m a little depressed =x

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knowing that i'd never be able to find her again.

ron is walking his own path =]

Witch Doctor


Vol'Jin is a risk-taker. Anyone who has ever crossed paths with him can tell you that. As a voodoo priest, you need a certain degree of it. It's too bad he never learned the value of discretion. Vol'Jin's experiments in jungle magic yielded brilliant results- the ability to mend wounds, casks filled with paralyzing combinations of herbs that could scatter for miles, and even a curse capable of stripping the life force from a living being. Of course, no amount of power gained goes without notice. As Vol'Jin's experiments became more and more unstable and destructive, the Lich King made his move.


*looks at da picture and vivid memories came flashing* *smiles*

~

mourning's over.

an eventful week it was .

i 'm tired as hell.

working towards a gracious winter.

does it even exist ? such silly thinking, i know.

some1 once said , you cant repay your parents in this life.

even my parents said that too.

if i put myself in their shoes a little , i might understand that . possibly because they had many commitments & priorities in their own life , and their parents understand & feel happy for them. get involved with the society, go out and explore the world , experience and learn things, good.
and because their parents are happy that their children are growing up & the children felt happy too.

even my parents said that too. they wanted me to see the world, learn stuffs etc etc.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

this is me .

1. i believe, when my parents give birth to me.. its because they love each other .

2. the day i was born , a contract was made. the deal wasnt to be able to do the right things in their eyes, or give them all the money in the world , or living according to societal standards, or find a life of my own.

i strongly feel that i m obliged to stay by their side . i always thought of my parents as this..why do u give me all this freedom and chance to live such different lives ? why wouldnt u make me a slave from the start... i would rather , and happily work for you forever .. but u had to let me make all the decisions by myself , knowing i am young ,unwise& immature at the point of time. i made lots of mistakes and u werent exactly happy. u were dissapointed with me, i know.

u made me go to tuition like other parents would. but i wouldnt produce out the happiest desired results . u encouraged me to study hard, and went on about your lecture on how papers could make a difference in life. but i dont want all these. life is not just about studying and working.. i just wanted to spend more time with you. just 3 of us together. but work took you away from me.

i grow up frusfrated , and when frusfration builds up , it changes a person. i turned to my friends to seek comfort, and that distanced away me from you. i became rebellious in my teens, & became a hot headed & stubborn. i refuse to acknowledge you as my teachers , as leaders although you were my parents. such were my short sightedness and views at that time.

u could never , become my friend.

and thats when the gap widened , further separating us apart.

i always said " you dont understand me " without looking in their shoes. just my feelings alone, so selfishly alone.

but these few months, i spend most of my time at home, reflecting & trying to put myself in their shoes. Eureka =)

rite now, let me rephrase myself. I m repaying my parents not to brush off of the mistakes i had made in the past, or to ease my guilt, but that i had a blood contract with them. I will stay by their side & help them out. Wherever they go , my heart will always be with them.

condolence.

When we lose someone we love, it seems that time stands still.

What moves through us is a silence, a quiet sadness, a longing for one more day, one more word, one more touch, we may not understand why you left this earth so soon, or why you left before we were ready to say good-bye, but little by little, we begin to remember not just that you died, but that you lived.

those who withered,

and that your life gave us memories too beautiful to forget.

those at present,

may the love of those around you help you through the days ahead & hold tight to memories for comfort.

dont know who i am,
searching deep inside
not who i was before,
cause that person died

lonely and broken,
cant recognise my own face
nothing feels right,
Fallen out of place

slowly breathing,
planning out the days
ron is not just a little boy,
and this isnt just a faze.

for i lost myself
Oh, so long ago
And i m carrying so much,
I wish i didnt know.

All of the missing pieces,
are lost inside so deep
I m calling out,
Singing myself to sleep.

Time is taking over ,
And theres nothing much to say,
But the words wont come,
and i m pushing the moments away.

the sweeT mwelodies I once knew,
Got swalllowed up by choice
Nobody's there to listen,
Dont wanna hear my voice.

She's there somewhere,
The girl I used to know,
And i dont know who i am ,
Because she chose to let me go.

~

Today is Wednesday ,August 12 .

My life has gone into a mess. Lost & stranded on a stray path, I m now facing a bleak future.

I was procastinating all my actions along, and now time is not on my side anymore.

I have already suffered, and will most probably continue to suffer for a long period of time.

If I changed my degree course, I will falsely assure myself that I have 3 years to go, and then go on my old habits.
Then while I m in college I will be frequently thinking of " how soon can i graduate " kinda thing.

If I started working , I mite be able to change myself and reduce my family burdens. Then while I am at it I will be ridiculed by the " If I was still in college.. ".

My life is already turning into a game of chess. I am now compromising into a stalemate where my current nor future self is fully satisfied , but its not that miserable till i 'd contemplate suicide.

Well the other player in this game isnt a stranger. As much as I change, I m suprisingly stable over long periods of time. So me.

If I win now , I ll lose later. If I lose now, its not 100 % I ll win later. If I fall in the middle, I 'd go nowhere. Never really winning, never really losing.

Its time for me to become a stronger player in this game. Although I dont know what my future will bring & that all my decisions are made with imperfect knowledge , my current life of continual compromise & boredom is a life a slow torture. I dont want this kind of life anymore.

Instead of fighting with myself , can I just ally with myself for today , and think of something that will make both of us happy ?

something that will make me and you happy for today , and for us , 10 years later.

Think it over , Ron.