~

mourning's over.

an eventful week it was .

i 'm tired as hell.

working towards a gracious winter.

does it even exist ? such silly thinking, i know.

some1 once said , you cant repay your parents in this life.

even my parents said that too.

if i put myself in their shoes a little , i might understand that . possibly because they had many commitments & priorities in their own life , and their parents understand & feel happy for them. get involved with the society, go out and explore the world , experience and learn things, good.
and because their parents are happy that their children are growing up & the children felt happy too.

even my parents said that too. they wanted me to see the world, learn stuffs etc etc.

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this is me .

1. i believe, when my parents give birth to me.. its because they love each other .

2. the day i was born , a contract was made. the deal wasnt to be able to do the right things in their eyes, or give them all the money in the world , or living according to societal standards, or find a life of my own.

i strongly feel that i m obliged to stay by their side . i always thought of my parents as this..why do u give me all this freedom and chance to live such different lives ? why wouldnt u make me a slave from the start... i would rather , and happily work for you forever .. but u had to let me make all the decisions by myself , knowing i am young ,unwise& immature at the point of time. i made lots of mistakes and u werent exactly happy. u were dissapointed with me, i know.

u made me go to tuition like other parents would. but i wouldnt produce out the happiest desired results . u encouraged me to study hard, and went on about your lecture on how papers could make a difference in life. but i dont want all these. life is not just about studying and working.. i just wanted to spend more time with you. just 3 of us together. but work took you away from me.

i grow up frusfrated , and when frusfration builds up , it changes a person. i turned to my friends to seek comfort, and that distanced away me from you. i became rebellious in my teens, & became a hot headed & stubborn. i refuse to acknowledge you as my teachers , as leaders although you were my parents. such were my short sightedness and views at that time.

u could never , become my friend.

and thats when the gap widened , further separating us apart.

i always said " you dont understand me " without looking in their shoes. just my feelings alone, so selfishly alone.

but these few months, i spend most of my time at home, reflecting & trying to put myself in their shoes. Eureka =)

rite now, let me rephrase myself. I m repaying my parents not to brush off of the mistakes i had made in the past, or to ease my guilt, but that i had a blood contract with them. I will stay by their side & help them out. Wherever they go , my heart will always be with them.