I examined my own face in the mirror today & I saw a hairy face staring back at me.
A wave of untidiness surged through me , yet I am in awe.
I'm older, now (besides the obvious question of age )..... .. somewhere along an unknown journey... I’ve lost that final, tiny part that held on against the weariness that now pervades me.Did i leave it in Uniten , during the anti-climatic farewell, exhausted from the last days of gaming , partying and reminiscing? Did i leave it when i entered HeLP , when i was wandering the lower foyer wondering what would it be to be a real college student , attending classes and mixing around , imagining the months and years ahead, knowing exactly what i want but not too sure, am never sure of which part to take; the choice of path determines to whom do i owe my loyalty to - society , my family and friends or to myself? I’ve always advised myself for the latter... but sometimes I’m not sure of my own convictions that i so confidently proclaim to people.
When did i became so weary with matters involving feelings anyway? 1 month ago ? 3 months ago ? last year? I’m so sick of the endless and revolving machinations involved.. so sick of the rituals and the processes and the immortalized but cheap gestures of storybook romances and fairytale endings… of the bloody bickering and then the inevitable self-destructive cycles of friendships that get too intense: some hedgehog’s dilemmas for u huuuh… too close and u prick each other with vindictive spines, too far apart and both feels the abject loneliness of being unable to share the troubles on the mind…yeah , the whole bundle of fringe emotions that come packaged along with the mess civilization has made of relationships between human beings. In fact both positive and negative energy is infectious ; each feeds off and builds off each other… losing oneself inside a evanescent shell of transient happiness against the tumbling freewheel down a slope of anger , hate, frustration, jealousy , envy ,selfishness and greed and…..And the resulting reaction chancing future risks or closing yourself up ? I wonder.
i tell myself to be realistic , that the possibilities of the human heart depends on its capabilities to reason , =x but i felt guilty for placing myself in a fool's paradise, dreamin ... endless dreamin...
A wave of untidiness surged through me , yet I am in awe.
I'm older, now (besides the obvious question of age )..... .. somewhere along an unknown journey... I’ve lost that final, tiny part that held on against the weariness that now pervades me.Did i leave it in Uniten , during the anti-climatic farewell, exhausted from the last days of gaming , partying and reminiscing? Did i leave it when i entered HeLP , when i was wandering the lower foyer wondering what would it be to be a real college student , attending classes and mixing around , imagining the months and years ahead, knowing exactly what i want but not too sure, am never sure of which part to take; the choice of path determines to whom do i owe my loyalty to - society , my family and friends or to myself? I’ve always advised myself for the latter... but sometimes I’m not sure of my own convictions that i so confidently proclaim to people.
When did i became so weary with matters involving feelings anyway? 1 month ago ? 3 months ago ? last year? I’m so sick of the endless and revolving machinations involved.. so sick of the rituals and the processes and the immortalized but cheap gestures of storybook romances and fairytale endings… of the bloody bickering and then the inevitable self-destructive cycles of friendships that get too intense: some hedgehog’s dilemmas for u huuuh… too close and u prick each other with vindictive spines, too far apart and both feels the abject loneliness of being unable to share the troubles on the mind…yeah , the whole bundle of fringe emotions that come packaged along with the mess civilization has made of relationships between human beings. In fact both positive and negative energy is infectious ; each feeds off and builds off each other… losing oneself inside a evanescent shell of transient happiness against the tumbling freewheel down a slope of anger , hate, frustration, jealousy , envy ,selfishness and greed and…..And the resulting reaction chancing future risks or closing yourself up ? I wonder.
i tell myself to be realistic , that the possibilities of the human heart depends on its capabilities to reason , =x but i felt guilty for placing myself in a fool's paradise, dreamin ... endless dreamin...
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