SS

The illness is called 'SS' disease.
It stands for Syok Sakit or Sendiri Sakit .
The patient will be very happy although he/she is having pain.
The cause of the disease is currently unknown , and until today remains a big mystery.

Now that you heard of it..
I wanna say ~

for making me feel at ease , whenever i talk to you.

you never fail to amuse me :D

i gotta go sleep soon. medicine taking effect.

dont sleep so late ar.

nites ~~

Reflection

Something I noticed about myself.

After going through certain experiences in dealing with love & people, you can be sure i'll never be quite the same boy again :D !

If the things i want to do cannot be understood by other people , is okay. Sometimes its better that way :D

i m not waiting, because i know.. time is precious =/

A New Life , A New Direction.

A few months back, I was nowhere in my life.
I was so lost , I almost gave up on myself.

Then I took a part time baking course in MIB.

And now, I am back in class, studying for a 2 year diploma baking course.

I met many new friends, and most of them were helpful & kind.

The classes were interesting, so they didnt bore me at all. In fact, I find it easier for me to pick up what the lecturer is saying because of the little experiences I gained fromworking not too long ago.

The dots seemed to connect somehow.

And then .. I met this girl.. in my class.

Silly , boastful , little gurl.'

I think I m in love with her .

Wednesday , 2 March 2011

Its 2.26 am. Finished Dota-ing Session with DJ Solo Haze & his other 2 friends. Won 5 , lost 1. Sat next to him and notice hes from China. Oh well. Mum's coming back from Brunei tomorrow.

Listening to hiroyuki-san 's Yozora really lifted my spirits up. I m somewhat unable to sleep. Restless. Nervous. Oh. The song's stopped. *hits the replay button again* x 20

2.42 am.

Good Ronald : Cant sleep ar. Go wash clothes lar. Do it. Tmr ur mum wont have to do so many house chores.

Bad Ronald : Lazy la. Tmr only do la. Tmr still got time. Now tired.. wanna chill on bed.

Which side to choose ?

Ronald says : Looks like I will have to side on good .. not because good always win .. but because i m a sozai

And so u are.. really are. =x

hurt. hurt. hurt.

Prob the most emo post of all.

I m standing on this dark floor, facing the dark wall.
Above me is a dark ceiling and above the ceiling are dark skies with no light whatsoever.

The only light i have is my own life source.

My motto rite now : If you want to play a game called life, make sure you play to win. Else, dont join. Because your life will always be meaningless and you are as good as dead.

Cast away my dark past.
Cast away everything.
Let the tears of tonight
Wash away
And make the day
A better tommorow.

is my life a dream ?
or was it just a lie ;)

the past haunting, the past haunting.
eating up my souls.
slowly.

wishing.
a future.
with less regrets ? "p

but now
without purpose
without goals

wandering , wandering
wasting my life away

goin with the flow
its an endless cycle

i love myself on the outside.
but i hate myself on the inside

im not that strong type of person, just stubborn and short sighted, less wise at times.
i know i m useless. yet i have so many wonderful & caring friends. and my mum still treats me as her son.
yet i m not being productive , not doing my responsibilities.
i know i m useless...

i cant even be honest with myself..
i m typing , and i m suppose to feel totally sad.
but some part of me resists, telling myself to be happy instead.
happy times flashed ,forcing me to drive away the sadness.

i m afraid of many things. and have very little guts.
i kept running away from issues.

i dont even know whats right or wrong anymore.

its sad.. but i cant really do anything about it.

in the end.. i m just a useless junk...

useless junk.

.02

was driving home , 5.31 pm today.

which came first? the egg or the chicken ..

pondered about it for a good 7 minutes ( stuck in jam + radioo)

and finally realized that the answer depends on which egg and which chicken the question is refering to.

diff eggs , diff time zone. diff chics, diff time zone.

ahh.. silly question.
~
be back to office after finishing my porridge. lotsa hmework to do. =/

it starts now

i m a little nervous .

my boss's left to aus yesterday .

i m alone for a week.

will i be able to hold his post, gave his orders and ensure the operation goes smoothly ?

well , i cant afford for things to go wrong.

with pressures mounting and crazy burdens strapped on to my shoulders...

i shall be the best clerk and assistant that i can be.

worry not , dear boss =/

i ll do it , without fail

sayonara , roku.

i m quite ashamed of myself , for not being able to think in the same channel as the group does. not being able to act like the rest of group & for not taking the effort to understand them. and not doing things as best i could for the group's interest.

staying passive all the time, i wondered if observing would at least give me the slightest hint in how to be one with the group. but it didnt help much , really.

i wasnt like this during foundation. but ever since my degree started, during my hangouts with the group i was starting to feel uncomfortable. i had to mask a smiley face, be pretentious & treat it like a picnic. rather then staying emo all the time , i tell myself to be happy , to be grateful because a hangout is a place to have fun. i kept telling myself that.

in the past i 'd do whatever it takes to at least be a worthy "sixer". there were times i waited, i gave time time. i tell myself that everythings gonna be okay. but there was something in me that was building up. i was worried for some reason.
it made me uncomfortable.
i was choking.

i think , its about time.

i should quit being a 'sixer'

Please let me out of this cage.

Ron-ron wants to fly.



<3 kiss the foundation times ~ goodbye <3

dont walk in front of me
because i wont follow

dont walk behind me
because i wont lead

walk with me,
try

because friendships should be like honey stars
sweet to perfection

but then i realized
not always.

and i start to wonder
where did i gone wrong

when all i've done is to follow my blood
trying to be myself

i feel distanced
by the ones i really cared

my so called tomodachis
isnt really there

i thought carefully
and pondered

as if it was a dream
made of chocolate sundae ice cream

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

its not easy to find an emo breeze,
one with a ghostly howl,
carrying the scent of a nearby rain,
dark clouds conquering the sky's domain.

its not easy to find a perfect sky
one blue so deep and bright,
carrying a sense of tranquility,
with seagulls & swallows in sight.

its not easy to find the perfect night,
one warm , quiet and starry,
carrying a mood of solitude,
damn that was lovely.

yet no perfection's so hard to find,
as of that which i extend,
and which i hope you will ever treasure
none other then to simply be your friend.

because the world is full of people
who will laughingly pretend
but when its said and done
consider yourself lucky you've gt a friend.

and yes , i m grateful for that.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i dont know if i will be able to trust again , after knowing about the lies that was speared in between.

till then , i ll just let my thoughts dance upon the wind.

dont know which direction i m heading, and where ive been isnt much to speak of.

flying a kite made of glass & paper thread, hoping it would go aloft.

2010

new year resolutions :

1. focus more on actions that has big impacts on my life , rather then actions that will just keep me busy.

2. to have a strong bias for action, and now, rather then tommorow.

3. to be able to laugh at myself and the world more.


To be able to push myself , to be able to focus on my job and to feel happiness for the very first time is a luxury i have not had for many years.

I have grown resilient , and i must move , plan things ahead with greater resolve and not spend time wasting away mourning on yesterday's sorrows and misfortunes.

The time has come, to shed off old skins and habits ,in order to become a better person, a better human being.

Now go , and live 2010.

A blessed and gorgeous year is awaiting, ronald !! :O

i m a little depressed =x

..........

.........


........


.........


knowing that i'd never be able to find her again.

ron is walking his own path =]

Witch Doctor


Vol'Jin is a risk-taker. Anyone who has ever crossed paths with him can tell you that. As a voodoo priest, you need a certain degree of it. It's too bad he never learned the value of discretion. Vol'Jin's experiments in jungle magic yielded brilliant results- the ability to mend wounds, casks filled with paralyzing combinations of herbs that could scatter for miles, and even a curse capable of stripping the life force from a living being. Of course, no amount of power gained goes without notice. As Vol'Jin's experiments became more and more unstable and destructive, the Lich King made his move.


*looks at da picture and vivid memories came flashing* *smiles*

~

mourning's over.

an eventful week it was .

i 'm tired as hell.

working towards a gracious winter.

does it even exist ? such silly thinking, i know.

some1 once said , you cant repay your parents in this life.

even my parents said that too.

if i put myself in their shoes a little , i might understand that . possibly because they had many commitments & priorities in their own life , and their parents understand & feel happy for them. get involved with the society, go out and explore the world , experience and learn things, good.
and because their parents are happy that their children are growing up & the children felt happy too.

even my parents said that too. they wanted me to see the world, learn stuffs etc etc.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

this is me .

1. i believe, when my parents give birth to me.. its because they love each other .

2. the day i was born , a contract was made. the deal wasnt to be able to do the right things in their eyes, or give them all the money in the world , or living according to societal standards, or find a life of my own.

i strongly feel that i m obliged to stay by their side . i always thought of my parents as this..why do u give me all this freedom and chance to live such different lives ? why wouldnt u make me a slave from the start... i would rather , and happily work for you forever .. but u had to let me make all the decisions by myself , knowing i am young ,unwise& immature at the point of time. i made lots of mistakes and u werent exactly happy. u were dissapointed with me, i know.

u made me go to tuition like other parents would. but i wouldnt produce out the happiest desired results . u encouraged me to study hard, and went on about your lecture on how papers could make a difference in life. but i dont want all these. life is not just about studying and working.. i just wanted to spend more time with you. just 3 of us together. but work took you away from me.

i grow up frusfrated , and when frusfration builds up , it changes a person. i turned to my friends to seek comfort, and that distanced away me from you. i became rebellious in my teens, & became a hot headed & stubborn. i refuse to acknowledge you as my teachers , as leaders although you were my parents. such were my short sightedness and views at that time.

u could never , become my friend.

and thats when the gap widened , further separating us apart.

i always said " you dont understand me " without looking in their shoes. just my feelings alone, so selfishly alone.

but these few months, i spend most of my time at home, reflecting & trying to put myself in their shoes. Eureka =)

rite now, let me rephrase myself. I m repaying my parents not to brush off of the mistakes i had made in the past, or to ease my guilt, but that i had a blood contract with them. I will stay by their side & help them out. Wherever they go , my heart will always be with them.

condolence.

When we lose someone we love, it seems that time stands still.

What moves through us is a silence, a quiet sadness, a longing for one more day, one more word, one more touch, we may not understand why you left this earth so soon, or why you left before we were ready to say good-bye, but little by little, we begin to remember not just that you died, but that you lived.

those who withered,

and that your life gave us memories too beautiful to forget.

those at present,

may the love of those around you help you through the days ahead & hold tight to memories for comfort.

dont know who i am,
searching deep inside
not who i was before,
cause that person died

lonely and broken,
cant recognise my own face
nothing feels right,
Fallen out of place

slowly breathing,
planning out the days
ron is not just a little boy,
and this isnt just a faze.

for i lost myself
Oh, so long ago
And i m carrying so much,
I wish i didnt know.

All of the missing pieces,
are lost inside so deep
I m calling out,
Singing myself to sleep.

Time is taking over ,
And theres nothing much to say,
But the words wont come,
and i m pushing the moments away.

the sweeT mwelodies I once knew,
Got swalllowed up by choice
Nobody's there to listen,
Dont wanna hear my voice.

She's there somewhere,
The girl I used to know,
And i dont know who i am ,
Because she chose to let me go.

~

Today is Wednesday ,August 12 .

My life has gone into a mess. Lost & stranded on a stray path, I m now facing a bleak future.

I was procastinating all my actions along, and now time is not on my side anymore.

I have already suffered, and will most probably continue to suffer for a long period of time.

If I changed my degree course, I will falsely assure myself that I have 3 years to go, and then go on my old habits.
Then while I m in college I will be frequently thinking of " how soon can i graduate " kinda thing.

If I started working , I mite be able to change myself and reduce my family burdens. Then while I am at it I will be ridiculed by the " If I was still in college.. ".

My life is already turning into a game of chess. I am now compromising into a stalemate where my current nor future self is fully satisfied , but its not that miserable till i 'd contemplate suicide.

Well the other player in this game isnt a stranger. As much as I change, I m suprisingly stable over long periods of time. So me.

If I win now , I ll lose later. If I lose now, its not 100 % I ll win later. If I fall in the middle, I 'd go nowhere. Never really winning, never really losing.

Its time for me to become a stronger player in this game. Although I dont know what my future will bring & that all my decisions are made with imperfect knowledge , my current life of continual compromise & boredom is a life a slow torture. I dont want this kind of life anymore.

Instead of fighting with myself , can I just ally with myself for today , and think of something that will make both of us happy ?

something that will make me and you happy for today , and for us , 10 years later.

Think it over , Ron.

should i start all over again

no i shouldnt.

starting all over is boring.

life is a game, yes ?

time to play it differently then.

path chosen , good or bad, we should strive our best at it no ?

ahaha.

p.s =) i never regret failing. i m nt afraid of failing. i m nt afraid of the calamities which is gonna befall me. i m nt afraid of how ppl look at me, treat me because of my failure . maybe a little , yes.

i dont mind ppl looking down on me. step on me. boss me around. i had a high tolerance & patience against these things.

sometimes i do act tough , yet i could be so timid in many things.

i spent a great deal of time at home these days. i ran away from college. gonna drop out of it soon.

but now , at this very moment . to continue being overshadowed by my darkness of being a society deviant or

get myself involved with something new and then regret it later.

i appreciate all the things which happened around me , happy & sad times, i will always cherish them in my mind

for yer all who read this , just to let you know . i m okay . okay.

ahaha.

b u m p

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